I have longed to share with you an ongoing battle I have had with a group of flies since moving to Burbank.
A group of them flit around a fixed space, which just happens to be the door to our stairwell.
I take these stairs everyday to school, and every time they plague me, surrounding me in a cloud of pestilence as I vow to to them their destruction.
They've brought out a very dormant, maniacal side to me.
I think it really freaks Chipley out.
On every encounter, I speak to them in a villainous tone, as if mocking my arch enemy in a good vs evil movie.
I threaten them with their impending destruction, blaming them for all the ills of society.
But keep in mind, they have been forewarned of their future annihilation.
My first attempt to eradicate them was too ingenious not to work: a can of RAID, specifically designed for "flying insects".
As the sun was starting to set one afternoon, they were flitting around as usual (just like in the times of Noah).
When I struck. Like a thief in the night.
Raining down poisonous insecticide upon them, all the while laughing insanely.
HaahhaaaahhhaaaaaHA! I've got you now! You should have heeded my warnings!
While I reveled in my brilliant surprise attack, I began to notice something askew.
The flies were seemingly unaffected by the insecticide.
They were still alive!
How could this be?
It seems they are impervious to the poison!
Triumphantly, the resilient pestilence bungied up and down in victory.
My brilliant scheme had failed!
Blast you annoying insects!! Oh yes, enjoy the taste of victory now, for I will return. And you will soon be erased from your miserable existence!
So, I retreated to regroup.
My wife thinks I am crazy, and threatens to check me into an insane asylum.
But we all know an insane asylum could not hold the Phantom. Mere walls cannot contain my presence!
Bwwwaaahhhahhhahhha!
STAY TUNED FOR ROUND TWO OF LORD OF THE FLIES...
Comments