This is a new piece I wrote over Easter, experimenting with a kind of "Biblical journalism" style. What if newspapers as we know them existed in those days? What would the main headline be after Resurrection Sunday? Here's my take...
JESUS’ TOMB EMPTY?
Resurrection rumors persist
JERUSALEM – Local eyewitnesses from the Aramathiah tomb garden reported yesterday that Jesus of Nazareth’s body has gone missing.
At dawn on Yom Reeshone, a group of Jesus’ female followers (two of which are identified as “Mary”) went to the tomb to anoint the Nazarene’s body with recently purchased spices and perfumes.
But upon their arrival, the entrance to the tomb was found open and unguarded.
“We were just wondering how we would roll the stone door away so we could get to Jesus,” said Mary, mother of James.
The large stone in question is estimated to weigh as much as 2 tons, according to experts, and can only be moved by the combined strength of several men using assistance levers.
The women claim that they were greeted by an angelic being sitting inside the tomb next to Jesus’ abandoned linen grave clothes.
“The sight of the strange man was very frightening, so we fell to the ground instantly,” said Salome, one of the eyewitnesses . “He asked us, ‘Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen!'”
Conflicting theories on the causes of the disappearance are circulating throughout the region.
Soldiers charged with guarding the tomb claim that a small faction of Jesus’ disciples broke into the tomb and removed the body under the cover of nightfall.
“It was early in the morning, and I must have fallen asleep waiting for my shift to end. I was tired from a physically draining day,” said a watch guard, whose identity is being withheld. “Those filthy Jew-thieves must have stolen him away quick.”
Others believe that Jesus (also referred to as “the Christ”) really was resurrected by the power of Jehovah, fulfilling prophecies that the Nazarene proclaimed just days before his execution.
“I remember Jesus said, ‘After three days I will rise again’,” said an unidentified follower, speaking anonymously. “It’s just as he said! He’s alive!”
However, prominent Jewish priests and religious leaders have endorsed the soldiers’ account.
“This blasphemer had the masses believing that he was the long-awaited Messiah,” said Joseph Caiaphas, temple high priest and president of the Jewish Sanhedrin. “Now, even in death this charlitan is trying to deceive the people into believing that he rose from the grave, a claim even more outlandish than the first.”
But if the resurrection prophecies are indeed true, it would be just the latest in a series of unexplained phenomenon to hit the holy city over the weekend.
A devastating earthquake rocked the region immediately following the execution of Jesus, and sunlight disappeared for several hours.
Cemeteries are reporting additional open gravesites, and there have been sightings of many previously dead people wandering around Jerusalem, which some witnesses have identified as ancient prophets.
Meanwhile, many Romans have speculated as to why guards underneath the command of Petronius, one of Pontius Pilate’s top centurions, would be so careless in their task.
Punishment for falling asleep while on duty is severe, according to Roman laws.
“The Jewish elders of the temple are foolish to substantiate this claim,” said Perosea, a local business owner who specializes in lumber processing for use in crucifixions. “They more than anyone should understand the importance of laws.”
According to reports, the resurrected Christ appeared first to his closest followers.
“I was weeping by the tomb, and the gardener asked, ‘Woman, why are you crying?’” said Mary Magdalene, whom Jesus had freed from seven demons. “But when he called my name, I knew it was Rabboni!
From there, Magdalene ran to inform Jesus’ eleven disciples of the news.
Unsubstantiated reports of more sightings continue to develop.
Claims that travelers heading to Galilee have also encountered the resurrected Jesus have yet to be confirmed as of press time.
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