RANT RAV!NGS 2013 - Righting societal atrocities...since 1981.

It Came From Above

And just in time for the 13h...

Looks like some nourishment for Chicken Little will be dropping in...and they landed right on top of Eleanor Beal, an employee of Jennings Police Department:

Beal says, "When I saw that they were crawling, I said, 'It's worms! Get out of the way!'"

She even called her co-worker outside to prove she wasn't making it up.

Where they came from is a mystery, but some believe that a water spout spotted less than five miles away at that same time near Lacassine Bayou could have something to do with it.

The sky wasn't falling. She says it was worms, large tangled clumps of them.

Watch out for them worms...yummy.

 

 

"Hil-Billy" Mistaken For Bob Barker

Over the holiday, the Clinton's were campaigning in Iowa when two bimbos in the crowd were going "gaga" over Bill Clinton; they thought he was Bob Barker.

How embarassing (and hilarious).

False Alarm...Again

Well, it happened again.

We just had ANOTHER fire alarm go off "accidentally".

All of the occupants of the Extended Stay filed out of their rooms and out into the parking lot fleeing the piercing buzzing, like a group of 4th graders during a fire drill.

This is the second time within the last 10 days that the fire alarm has sounded without reason (last time it was a maintenance test).

I seriously hope that the powers that be can get this straightened out, because I fear people will begin to lose their patience if more of these mishaps occur.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to stop my eardrum from bleeding.

Orlando Traffic Elf Patrols Speeders

While getting pulled over for speeding is already an embarrassing ordeal, imagine if one of Santa's elves was behind the traffic sting?

Turkeys "Make Run For It"

From AOL News:

"For a moment, it looked like the turkeys were waiting for the next outbound train,"
-- Dan Stessel, spokesman for NJ Transit

The Face Bra Cometh

In another example of how life often imitates art, I present to you: The Face Bra.

No, this isn't some ellaborate Photoshop trick on my part. This is an actual "beauty product" marketed to women these days as an alternative to face lift surgery.

Salem Witch Conjures Lawsuit Spell

Found this hilarious...(warning -- gratuitous witch stereotypes ahead)

When most witches want revenge on someone that has wronged them, they usually conjure up a spell as they stir a special brew made of eyeballs and toad's feet. Or they curse them with a Satantic hex.

But Laurie Cabot (right), the 73 year-old "official witch" of Salem, prefers to threaten legal action instead.

Animals Gone Wild in China!

Un-bear-able: China's cruel animal Olympics reach new heights

I came across this very strange story today, and though the pictures make for unusual scenes, I couldn't help but laugh. Am I just a sicko?

Throughout this article there are continued references to animals who are forced to perform extreme stunts like riding motor bikes across tightwires, etc. My question is, HOW?

For example, take this picture (right) from the Associated Press. The caption reads: "China's shameful animal rights record continues. Two bears are chained to bicycles and forced to perform."

Two things: [1] Okay, so you can chain the bears to bicycles...but how do you force them to peddle and maintain their balance?! [2] This article reads more like an editorial than a news story, since there really seems to be a lot of opinion in there from the AP.

Now I think it WOULD be cruel if they tied the bears to motorcycles and towed them around, but it looks like the only thing the Chinese have succeeded in creating here is something we've had for years in America: the circus.

Strange Tales From Festival Bay

This afternoon, I was able to spend some time at the Festival Bay Mall, "a Caribbean-theme complex that features incredible retail establishments" in addition to housing an indoor skatepark and a 20-screen Cinemark Theater. When I came to see Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in  "Gridiron Game" on Friday night, I made a mental note to return this week.

Killer Teddy Bear Leaves 2,500 Fish Dead

This is too hilarious not to pass on...keep in mind, this is a REAL news story by the Associated Press, not something from the Whittington Weekly...

READ: "It's kind of a cute little teddy bear and people wouldn't think that a cute little teddy bear would be able to kill fish."